Frequently Asked Questions, or (Almost) Everything You Want To Know About Therapy

Common questions about counseling in general, and my services in particular. If your question isn't answered here, get in touch and I'll respond promptly.

Can counseling help with my problem? How?

Aren't therapists just paid friends?

What if I don't know exactly what I want?

How hard or painful will this be?

How do I know you/your training/your advice are any good?

What records will you keep on me?

Will you diagnose me, or label me with some disorder?

What's your style--how do you work with clients?

What if I don’t want to talk about something?

How often do we meet?

What happens in sessions?

Isn't counseling awfully expensive?

How long does therapy take?

How do we end my counseling?

 

Can counseling help with my problem? How?

I believe that a problem at its core is a relationship problem. And the problem exists because you're not happy about one or more of these areas: thoughts, feelings, or actions (either your own or someone else's). The right therapist can definitely help you with what you're dealing with, whatever the specifics are.

My approach helps by identifying your strengths and what you want, and providing you with the support to get there. We do some detective work along the way. We try experiments and evaluate the results. We adjust as needed and you get practice in establishing better patterns for you.

Counseling works by finding ways to resolve the conflict you've been living with and transform it into something that reflects your best self; your values, needs, and perspectives.

Aren't therapists just paid friends?

No, we aren't, though friendliness and trust is an important part of the relationship. In fact, repeatedly, studies show that a positive emotional connection between therapist and client is one of the best predictors of a successful counseling experience.

Counseling is different from most other professional consulting and services. It takes an encompassing view of your situation as well as considering some of the personal details of your life. This can make it feel like friendship.

Unlike your family or friends, therapists commit to taking an objective stance. We don't have an agenda except helping you get to a resolution you want. And we're not biased by having a personal relationship with you that predates counseling.

A good therapist is trained to help you accomplish the goals you determine. W e are subject to various laws, ethics, and best practices designed to help insure a safe, useful experience.

Another difference is, if we happen to meet in public, I will not initiate contact. To protect your privacy, I will follow your lead in whether or how you choose to acknowledge me.

 

What if I don't know exactly what I want?

Many people enter counseling without a clear idea of exactly what they want to get out of it. I can help you figure that out.

It's also common for someone's goals to shift as counseling progresses. I use a special system to keep us on track, even while you might be refining your goals.

 

How hard or painful will this be?

Change is not always easy to experience. You already know it can be difficult. What you're dealing with, your temperament, and how long the problem has been present in your life all combine to create the problem.

I have many tools proven to get people to the other side of discomfort: relief, ease, healing, etc.

I'll be with you on the journey, of finding what works best for you. This information can serve you the rest of your life.

You'll have to decide if you believe it would be worth it to free yourself of the pain you are experiencing every day with the problem present and active in your life.

 

How do I know if you're any good?

At the simplest level, my website gives you a flavor of who I am, how I work, and my underlying philosophy.

You can call me with any questions you have and get a good sense of what it'll be like to work with me.

And if you come in and meet with me, it typically takes only a few appointments and we can tell whether there's a good match.

My practice is unique in that I'll ask you to report on how your situation is going and I track that progress. I also monitor how helpful you think I'm being. Offering this accountability lets me be as helpful as possible from your perspective.

If it turns out that I'm not the right counselor for you, you'll probably still have gotten some value from our conversations. We can talk about the best next step for you, and I'll be happy to provide some referrals that might get you where you want to go.

 

What records will you keep on me?

The paperwork you fill out when we first meet. I also briefly summarize our meetings to make sure I have the information I need to provide you high-quality, consistent services.

I keep information about you strictly confidential. With a few exceptions which I will discuss with you, only you can give permission for me to release information about you. In short:

• I do not talk about you in my personal life.
• If I consult with another clinician on how I can continue to best serve you, I protect your identity by disguising key facts.
• There are a few situations that I am required to report, and I will outline them in our first meeting. This comes up only rarely.

 

Will you diagnose me, or label me with some disorder?

No, I only do that to my family. :-)

Seriously, I do need to have a thorough understanding of what you are experiencing to be as helpful as possible. But I prefer not to assign a diagnosis, in part because studies show very poor consistency or reliability in the use of the labels listed in the "dictionary" of mental disorders (the DSM).

If you want a receipt to send in to a medical reimbursement program, I will most likely need to include a diagnosis per their rules. We can pick one out an appropriate one together if you like.

 

What's your style--how do you work with clients?

In a word: Collaboratively.

I bring my empathy, understanding, tools, and training to the normal problems that arise in trying to live a good life.

You bring your knowledge and expertise on your life, and your dreams and goals for change, for the future.

There's a famous saying that all future therapists hear when they're in grad school: "Don't work harder than your client." This recognizes that you are the agent of making something different in your life. I can be the catalyst, but I can't fix things without your effort.

I am an active participant in your counseling. Typical things I do in a session include giving feedback, suggesting homework, discussing progress towards your goals, sharing information, challenging thoughts / feelings / actions that don't seem to be serving you well.

Together we craft a plan, we experiment with different things to find what works uniquely for you. We get more clarity, and you begin to reap the benefits you're seeking. My goal is help you transform the problem you came in with so you can get on with making the contributions you want to in life with a deeper sense of appreciation and connection.

I see adults, and have experience providing individual and couple counseling. A special interest of mine is working with folks who consider themselves outside the mainstream. I am also an ally of all consensual, respectful, and mutually healthy lifestyles.

 

What if I don’t want to talk about something?

You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to.

However, keeping important information from me will impact how well I understand you and your situation, and therefore how well I can help you.

Especially at first, when you don't know much about me, it can be uncomfortable to talk about some things. As you begin to develop more trust towards me, you may find yourself more willing to share relevant information that will be helpful to your progress.

Remember that counseling is inherently uncomfortable to some degree. You are choosing this path to help you relieve a greater unhappiness in your life. At whatever point you are ready to tell me new information, know that I will not judge you.

 

How often do we meet?

Starting out, a 50-minute session once a week is typical. This has the benefits of establishing a good working relationship and getting me up to speed so we can have relevant and useful conversations.

An hour or so out of a 168-hour week is a reasonable pace for many people, given their other responsibilities and activities. I will suggest between-session experiments or assignments to the extent that you want such things.

As you begin to witness progress towards your goals, we may adjust the frequency.

What's most important is your sense of what's most productive and beneficial for you.

Part of our plan, as we approach finishing up our work on the current issue, is to consider whether tapering off the frequency of our sessions would be helpful.

 

What happens in sessions?

In the first session we'll go over some paperwork and talk about how we'll work together. I'll gather some basic information about what brings you in so I can begin assessing what you are dealing with and how I may best help you.

We'll discuss your goals and what signs will tell you that things are moving forward. I'll get your input about your best way of working.

As we continue to meet, I'll ask questions, make suggestions, and share information/resources. I tailor my approach to your reflections and feedback, even if your needs and goals change over time.

 

Isn't counseling awfully expensive?

Many people do have to consider how to fit the cost of therapy into their budget.

Compare the cost of getting help to the cost of coping ineffectively with the problem that's bothering. Maybe you are eating/drinking/smoking too much. Spending too much money on other things in an effort to comfort yourself or "make up" for what you're putting up with.

Other costs are health issues brought about or negatively impacted by the problem. Or low energy in your personal life...lower productivity at work, etc. And the list goes on.

Getting some help for yourself now can help you avoid these increased negative costs in the future.

I don't want anyone to go without the help he or she needs and wants because of financial issues. For that reason, I offer a reduced fee option, as well as a list of possible alternatives.

 

How long does therapy take?

The short answer is "It depends."

You know from your own struggles, that the problem that is bringing you in has defied your best efforts, so far. There are probably a lot of factors involved, making it hard to predict what will break the impasse. Usually, it takes less time to resolve an issue than it took the problem to wiggle into your life and start causing problems.

You'll have a sense within several sessions whether we are on the right track. I'll invite your feedback, which will help us know if we need to shift our approach

As long as you find value in our meetings, we'll continue. When it's time to go solo, you'll do just that.

I'm a little like Mary Poppins, but without the umbrella or great singing voice.

And I'm right here when something else comes up down the road you'd like a little help with.

 

How does counseling end?

We plan for the eventual completion of your time with me right from the beginning. After all, that's part of the goal: you're consulting with me until you're well on your way and experiencing positive results.

Some people prefer to taper off the frequency of meeting, some don't.

Of course, you're free to quit at any time. I encourage you to choose a planned ending. This is when both of us know ahead of time that our next session or two will be a special sort of wrap-up.

People appreciate being able to consolidate their learning, acknowledge their accomplishments, and discuss next steps. And it gives you a bonus opportunity that we often don't get in real life-a chance for an intentional, mutual goodbye and acknowledgement of the work and relationship.

You're always welcome to come back in for a refresher or if a new issue comes up.

 

Did I miss your question? Easy enough to remedy--get in touch and I'll respond promptly.