As much as we might like to make our problems disappear, we can usually accept that’s not the way reality works. Some people use the technique of minimizing, or even ignoring problems But pretending something doesn’t exist often gives rise to a cascade of additional problems—the domino effect, I call it. There is a more …
I was meeting with a client and we were celebrating a recent instance of her self-care in the face of stress. She has been practicing expanding her repertoire in this area of her life. I won’t note specifically what she did, but it involved being very intentional about taking a few moments from a harried …
This inventory is offered for general informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for seeing a trained professional to diagnose your symptoms or condition. After you submit your answers, you will see a page with your responses and an interpretation. You can print this page and bring it with you to show to your …
Are You Ready for Counseling? There are many factors which support people in making change happen. We look at 7 of the most important ones on this page to help you get a clearer picture of how ready you are to address problems in your life and relationships.
Your amygdala [ah-mig-dah-lah] is located in the limbic part of your brain. You have two of these structures, one in each hemisphere; roughly a few inches in from either ear. About the size and shape of an almond, your amygdala are responsible for regulating your emotions. They also serve as an “early warning, rapid response …
It comes down to Intention and Action versus Wishful Hoping. When your leave your house for work or other outings, are you distracted by being late, or remembering you need to stop for gas, or thinking about some other errand, chore, or responsibility? If not – and that’s rare for many of us – then …
Sometimes clients want to talk about someone who’s hurt them. Maybe it was a long time ago, maybe it was recently. But something about the hurt is keeping it fresh, almost alive for my client. In such cases, we talk about many aspects of the hurt; we thoroughly process the experience. And, sometimes, even after …
The biggest mistake I see couples and others in committed relationships make, is to think that somehow love will be enough. Enough to read your partner’s mind. Or, maybe at least enough to avoid annoying each other. Well, certainly enough to resolve which way to hang the toilet paper, right? Well, no, it just doesn’t …
If you find any of the common personality typologies – such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, Social Styles, Enneagram, and so on – useful, you might appreciate the insights offered by the Personality Priorities. One of the best things about it, is assessment takes less than 1 minute. All you do is pick your least …
When I come across a resource that’s well-done and potentially helpful, I want to share it with others who might find it useful. This one is a snack-sized bit of meditation or mindfulness. All you need to do is sit still for two minutes while the online timer counts down to zero. A great mini-break …
ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts. We all have them at times. Sometimes we have so many they crowd out more balanced or realistic thoughts and overwhelm us with feelings of unworthiness, incompetence, hopelessness, or failure. These thoughts are masters at appearing realistic and conning us into believing them. Then they do their damage of changing …
Would your decision be easier if “being together” didn’t necessarily mean “being wrong”? A lot of couples argue about who’s right, and “The Truth”, as if there was an objective reality. And, of course, each partner believes he/she is the one who’s right. I call this “Right Fighting” and here’s why it’s a waste of …
Here’s one definition of anxiety: “When behavior, affect, thought, and/or sensation are incongruent, we suffer an error signal or anxiety.” For me, it’s comforting to think about anxiety as “an error signal”. When I notice I’m starting to feel anxious, I remind myself it’s just an error signal from my environment. Then I get a …
Scenario #1: Time Joseph walks in the door and Letitia immediately starts telling him about her day and asking him questions about family plans. “Why can’t she give me some peace and quiet when I get home?” he later grouses to his friends. Scenario #2: Space Over dinner Betsy asks Paul where her library books …
There’s a famous quote defining insanity as doing the same thing again and again, yet expecting different results. We laugh because on the face of it we recognize the futility of such behavior while also being aware we’ve each been guilty of doing exactly what is being warned against. Do you wonder, along with me, …
